I've been back from my journey to india for one and half weeks now. As you've probably noticed, no posts during the trip, neither after my return yet..
Everything feels like a very delicate act of balancing at the moment.
The journey was very special - and almost everything went well, despite something, well, that could kind of be described as a minor disaster if it wouldn't have been for some really special people who helped me out and allowed me to continue this trip :) .. I sometimes can't believe or grasp, what amazing people I know and friends I have .. and hope, I can be as supportive for them, as they are for me.
Right after my return I spent a few days with a friend outside of Frankfurt, and ironically, managed to upset my stomach after enjoying some german food. Yes, the irony. I can tell you, even travelling in Germany (or, for that matter, anywhere) is no fun, if you feel like crap.
As strange as it felt to be back, I was glad when I arrived in Tut... I needed the rest.
And strange is an understatement. As comfortable as I was in India for some reasons I don't yet get, but quite happy about, as difficult it was to find myself in Germany again. I guess, it's bringing up all my issues, or questions, about my place here, or anywhere, whenever I am confronted with those (my) reactions..
I was supposed to start my daily drives to Zuerich the next day, but it turned out that I didn't have a car, because it was in the garage for fixing. As much as I didn't want to miss any part of the immersion II, I was actually somewhat relieved of having one more day to sleep in and simply arrive.
view, early morning, on my way to zuerich
It's a bit far to commute daily, and makes me the person who sometimes sleeps during our breaks throughout the day.. but, those views and the smell of rain, fresh cut grass, and the warmth coming through the windows made it easier. Somehow, things changed a lot while I was away. It didn't just become spring, but almost summer.
The next two days were pretty intense, but made me feel very happy and blessed, for being able to do this .. this is not something, I would have anticipated or even planned a few months ago. I am not sure, if I was/am really ready for this, in the sense that I thought, I should be ready for. Physically and mentally. I have not been able to build a regular home practice and still don't understand, what is holding me back. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life, and more changes, which probably left me in an even more vulnerable position, and scared, than I was when leaving Calgary last year..
The best time to throw myself into immersion? Normally I would have to say no :), but for some reason, I went for it. Despite the knowledge, that I am not in an easy position and dealing with things, some of them out of my control, that will need a lot of patience, commitment and time to maybe get resolved in the near future or to heal.
What I know is, that I am not sure, when I will have the opportunity again. Where I will live, what kind of yoga community there is, if at all (that was a big issue here.. ). Driving to Zuerich for single classes, with my budget, wasn't really an option, so I started with workshops. And met Jeff. He brought up the immersion and of course, my immediate reaction (and response) was, I am not ready for this. If I would have continued to live in Calgary, I would have probably practised for a few years first, before considering this.. :).
All I can say is, I thought about it. And pretty spontaneously decided to go for the first part. During the absolute crazyness at my work, some health problems and not to mention this personal thing that is going on.. my only regret is not having had more time and energy to reflect, to read, to practice more.. right after, I worked for 8 days straight, with two double shifts on the weekend. I was absolutely dead after that.
And after the first one, I claimed again that I am not ready to do a second one shortly after, starting to think, as soon as I was home and decided, I will do it anyways if it doesn't feel like something frightening. I might not be where some other people are, but, part of me wants to do it and learn, and that should be reason enough - with all the limitations and issues I am dealing with right now. If I feel in the future, I want to retake them, that's great, too, but for now, noone can take this experience away.
Having said that, finding myself between 7 teachers and facing all those things that create blocks or limitations, wasn't always easy :)..
And I am looking forward to the second part next weekend.. :)
...
Right after my return I spent a few days with a friend outside of Frankfurt, and ironically, managed to upset my stomach after enjoying some german food. Yes, the irony. I can tell you, even travelling in Germany (or, for that matter, anywhere) is no fun, if you feel like crap.
As strange as it felt to be back, I was glad when I arrived in Tut... I needed the rest.
And strange is an understatement. As comfortable as I was in India for some reasons I don't yet get, but quite happy about, as difficult it was to find myself in Germany again. I guess, it's bringing up all my issues, or questions, about my place here, or anywhere, whenever I am confronted with those (my) reactions..
I was supposed to start my daily drives to Zuerich the next day, but it turned out that I didn't have a car, because it was in the garage for fixing. As much as I didn't want to miss any part of the immersion II, I was actually somewhat relieved of having one more day to sleep in and simply arrive.
view, early morning, on my way to zuerich
It's a bit far to commute daily, and makes me the person who sometimes sleeps during our breaks throughout the day.. but, those views and the smell of rain, fresh cut grass, and the warmth coming through the windows made it easier. Somehow, things changed a lot while I was away. It didn't just become spring, but almost summer.
The next two days were pretty intense, but made me feel very happy and blessed, for being able to do this .. this is not something, I would have anticipated or even planned a few months ago. I am not sure, if I was/am really ready for this, in the sense that I thought, I should be ready for. Physically and mentally. I have not been able to build a regular home practice and still don't understand, what is holding me back. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life, and more changes, which probably left me in an even more vulnerable position, and scared, than I was when leaving Calgary last year..
The best time to throw myself into immersion? Normally I would have to say no :), but for some reason, I went for it. Despite the knowledge, that I am not in an easy position and dealing with things, some of them out of my control, that will need a lot of patience, commitment and time to maybe get resolved in the near future or to heal.
What I know is, that I am not sure, when I will have the opportunity again. Where I will live, what kind of yoga community there is, if at all (that was a big issue here.. ). Driving to Zuerich for single classes, with my budget, wasn't really an option, so I started with workshops. And met Jeff. He brought up the immersion and of course, my immediate reaction (and response) was, I am not ready for this. If I would have continued to live in Calgary, I would have probably practised for a few years first, before considering this.. :).
All I can say is, I thought about it. And pretty spontaneously decided to go for the first part. During the absolute crazyness at my work, some health problems and not to mention this personal thing that is going on.. my only regret is not having had more time and energy to reflect, to read, to practice more.. right after, I worked for 8 days straight, with two double shifts on the weekend. I was absolutely dead after that.
And after the first one, I claimed again that I am not ready to do a second one shortly after, starting to think, as soon as I was home and decided, I will do it anyways if it doesn't feel like something frightening. I might not be where some other people are, but, part of me wants to do it and learn, and that should be reason enough - with all the limitations and issues I am dealing with right now. If I feel in the future, I want to retake them, that's great, too, but for now, noone can take this experience away.
Having said that, finding myself between 7 teachers and facing all those things that create blocks or limitations, wasn't always easy :)..
And I am looking forward to the second part next weekend.. :)
...
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